Katy Perry recently announced that her special guest during her Super Bowl half time performance is female and a “throwback” which means that people are daring to suggest that it could possibly be Britney Spears. The fact that a 33 year old who continues to sell out Las Vegas theaters and is still recording music could possibly be a “throwback” just shows how prejudiced this society is toward women older than 30, but whatever. Even the possibility that Britney Bitch MAY make an appearance during this performance is enough to send me into a shaking cold sweat because there is literally no performer like Britney Spears okay I can’t get into this right now it’s NOT THE POINT.

This suggestion got me thinking about my dream Super Bowl performers. Who is the perfect duo to break up the monotony of sports and the glamorization of violence? Whose performance could be good enough to look past the fact that they are catering to the male gaze???

We can start with the obvious: Madonna and Britney Spears.

never forget

CAN YOU EVEN IMAGINE??? The fact that the two of them have never performed Me Against the Music together live is a fucking tragedy on par with the epidemic of eating disorders that they also kind of caused in this country a little bit. Britney and Madonna both reached the pinnacle of pop, and literally I don’t think anyone even compares. I honestly think this hasn’t happened because people are scared of it. The last time they were together on TV, they created a pop culture moment that lives on FOREVER. THINK OF WHAT THEY COULD DO IF THEY LOST THE DEAD WEIGHT OF CHRISTINA?????

This would be a mostly Britney show, but I would also love to see Britney and Madonna do a sassy “Material Girl” together or perhaps even a rousing rendition of “Express Yourself.”

Special appearances by Charli XCX (imagine them singing Boys TOGETHER???) and maybe like Miley?? I could get down with that.

If that ends up being too much for the world, I would be willing to settle for a Taylor Swift/One Direction performance.

I know they just broke up but it feels like my entire world is broken up as well

I’m kind of okay with Taylor Swift and Harry Styles not being together any more just because I think Taylor is, you know, living her truth as an independent single woman and I like the rumors that she’s dating all her super model friends BUT IMAGINE THEM ON STAGE TOGETHER??? AHHHHHHHH. It would be incredible. I don’t even know how this would even work, but maybe like Taylor headlines and they just appear for a couple of songs and Harry eats a banana on stage or something??

Also Tay’s BFF’s HAIM are there and Little Mix should come too because they’re amazing.

LASTLY, and I’m aware this could never happen because for some reason people who watch the Super Bowl probably don’t know these names at all, but CARLY RAE JEPSEN AND CHER LLOYD TOGETHER PLEASE.

I have been dying for this combo for AGES. I love both of them dearly and they need to combine their star power and take over the world with the bubblegum pop that this country DESERVES. I realize I’m using a lot of all caps in this post but there is nothing I feel more strongly about than the careers of both Carly Rae and Cher Lloyd.

And while we’re at it, let’s just feature another group that needs to be heard by everyone:


Okay, so you know how much you guys love “Bang Bang???” Just imagine a group who only sings songs like that. That’s Danity Kane. They are incredible. I don’t care that one of them punched another one in the head and they broke up. We don’t talk about it. They will be back and it will be at the Super Bowl half time show when I am the ruler of the universe and my word is law.

wait omg Imagine them performing with FIFTH HARMONy oh my god I need to stop right here.

Why do I not run everything? People don’t think they want this entertainment, but you actually do. HAVE AN OPEN MIND AND ACCEPT TRASHY POP INTO YOUR LIFE.

This got out of hand quickly. I just feel really strongly about this.

Shout out to the producers of the Super Bowl Halftime show, because I have A LOT of ideas to revolutionize this show.

Or honestly just play a twenty minute Pepsi ad there, it’ll probably have the same exact effect.


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