that’s the point

I complain about summer a lot, but I’m trying to look on the bright side of it. Mostly I’m trying to imagine that I’m in a writer’s colony but by myself so I don’t have to deal with all the shitty people I would hate and also I have a summer job and sometimes I have to write about MTV shows I don’t watch. I figure that there probably won’t be another time in my life when I can just drop everything and come up with, say, a 10 episode television series that will never get produced in any capacity, so I’m trying to take as much advantage as possible.

And also I love warm weather and I love that my parents are paying for all my food. So it doesn’t all suck.

Summer, if you’re me (which I am), is kind of the opportunity of a lifetime. I love being a homebody, I love eating three pieces of red velvet cake when my parents are out, and I love sitting in my room and making crap and coming up with weird ideas.

This is why I’m probably be going to be putting up a lot of dumb shit up here because I’m bored and I want to have fun and, for me, fun is making videos about Lauren Conrad’s Instagram account and discussing what fake Twitter account I would be.

But I’m also a very fragile and very nervous person. I still cringe when I think of college rejection letters I got nearly three years ago. There are a lot of cruel and mean people out there. I should know, I am typically one of them. The last thing I want to do is beg people to not be mean to me, because that’s pathetic and it won’t work. But there’s also the potential that no one will care, and I would also be fine with that too.

So in preparation for these only two outcomes that could possibly occur, I have developed a defense mechanism before anyone has ever said anything to me, and that is the phrase, “yeah…that’s the point.”

I really wish I discovered this sooner, because it would have come in so much handy earlier in my life.

For example, here are some real life conversations that would have occurred if I had the command of this phrase that I do now.

“Wow those gold leggings look dumb.”
“Yeah, that’s the point.”

“You look sick today.”
“Yeah, that’s the point.”

“You’re so pale because you spend all day on the Internet.”
“Yeah, that’s the point.”

I feel like you can say this to pretty much anything. I mean, in reality it’s pretty much a lie, but who cares because the person you’re talking to is a jerk? It makes you look like a confident person who was all about that life and just looking dumb and pale because you wanted to, even though later you’ll probably cry in your bedroom alone because you already have some self-esteem issues and you’re appearance is actually really important to you. But they don’t have to know that!

So, arm yourself everyone. I’m considering getting it tattooed somewhere around my face so I can just point to it in the future. (“Wow what an ugly tattoo.” and then I point to my tattoo.) Act like you know what you’re doing and then maybe one day you’ll actually know what you’re doing. I don’t know, I haven’t even started on acting like I know things so I can’t exactly vouch for that advice, so maybe you shouldn’t actually do that.

I feel like this is all very uncharacteristically upbeat. Don’t worry, I just glanced at Facebook and thought, “everyone’s a piece of shit” and then retweeted Tyra Banks so I’m still the same. This is simply a brief moment of weakness to tell you the secret of my future fake confidence, because reading this automatically puts you in an elite group of people that deserve all the of the sage advise I can grant you. And if you ever doubt my position, just remember that I was born without wisdom teeth, making me a higher evolved human.

“You’re being an egotistical douchebag.”
“Yes, that is the point.”

  1. Courtney said:

    I fucking loved those gold leggings.

  2. Same said:


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: